12/05/25

As summer draws near and the sun comes out I feel myself much more energized lately and getting out of the depressive slumps. I've been cooking, cleaning, selling old things, and trying out some new stuff. I've ordered some polymer for cheap and I'm gonna try making some cute brooches and earrings for myself on down time.

And no sadly my story didn't get picked up by the press. XD I left a bad review on google for the taxi company and they kept calling my husband begging him to change it, but he told them politely "no" on my behalf. It's just gross how I was treated and it's such a fucking ick that women, and perhaps even other marginzalized people, might face the same shit that I do. Like what if a really old guy needed a lift and these fools scammed him in the same way? It's so predatory. Ick.

14/04/2025

Whew. I had such a bad experience with a taxi driver yesterday that I ended up writing to the local press about it.

It was kind of a "last straw" moment because it seems that taxis here are um... Trashy? Not really sure of a good way to say it. Half of the drivers I get arrive late, blast their phones on speaker with a stranger at the earliest hours of the day, and generaly make me feel uncomfortable. The driver I got yesterday was from a different company, and did all of the above but made sure to take a long creepy route to my destinaion (on a single lane road through the countryside wtf) that took over double the time I normally take to get there myself. I strongly believe he did it on purpose to get more money from me, seeing as I'm a woman riding alone. Like, what can I do?

So in the end he bullied me out of the money. My husband called the company to complain, but they've danced around it and offered pathetic compensation for that. Makes me wonder how many other women face this and it skeeves me.

12/04/2025

Tired after work and with a head cold, feel like a zombie. :[

All day I have all these thoughts on the world swirling in my head, but once the Tenzing wears I crash the hell out!

So I'll try to bring forth those thoughts here, so perhaps I can examine my own thoughts...

My problems living in the UK at the moment seem kinda mundane when I look at the news for my country of origin. Even though we're having car trouble (once AGAIN) and I'm dealing with the stress of saving money, I'm way more bothered and anxious about what's happening in the US right now.

Like, it's not even as much rooted in the fear for my family, as they are not minorities, and I do have family members that have more money to help them if needed (at least I tell myself that). My friends however, I do worry a little more for, but at the same time I know they are super resilient and I feel better knowing that they're in a part of Oregon that has stronger communities. Perhaps a lot of this is simply me coping, but I'd like to be hopeful.

But I don't know how to really explain what is troubling me the most... I feel like the way it's shifting so harshly to the right, it hurts my soul? Where I feel hope for the resilience of my loved ones, I feel pessimism for humanity... I see the darkness particularly in men online who spur this on. Everything Trump does is the manifestation of their darkness.

And no, I'm not meaning to make women sound blameless. Evangelist, Mormon, Trad, whatever, they throw everyone under the bus in the hopes it'll save them when truly it won't. Maybe they believe that if the earth burns then God will somehow redeem them, even though their hearts are as black as tar. What sort of god would value that..?

I look back at my past, and pre-social media as a kid, and I was definitely sheltered from the reality of the atrocities of the US, but still I felt so hopeful for the future. It really felt like the world was improving and we were on a better path. We were all guided to believe that we would live in peace, own a house, have a family, find some sense of worth in a capitalist society. When you age and the world sours, you open your eyes more to see how untrue that is, and you learn how rotten to the core it all was.

But there was a time where an entire generation was uplifted, so shouldn't I feel hope (if not for me, at least for the future gens)? Even after a devastating war, prosperity was found.

Will it be different this time? Climate change wasn't looming over our ancestor's heads, and nothing like social media ever existed. I see how "ipad babies" are developing so poorly, and I wonder how bad the damage will be in the long run.

Is it incorrect for me to be so cynical about all of this? Is there any hope?

I legit can't see humanity thriving unless the patriarchy and capitalism becomes a thing of the past. Selfishness is literally destroying us and the planet we dwell on...

Dark thoughts, but hey this journal is for me to put these thoughts into the void! Perhaps I will be proven wrong by the world and I can go back and read this and feel a sense of relief for being so wrong. Perhaps?